Iran Newspaper, Friday May 12th 2006, Special edition for kids:

First Method: Discourse
Some people think one shouldn’t
seek violent methods at the first hand as it kills the mood. So we should first try to sit down at the table and talk to “roaches” in a very civilized manner. But the problem is that “roaches” don’t know language of human. Grammar of roaches’ language is also such tough (still nobody understands right which one of their verbs get “-ing”) that eighty percent of roaches
themselves don’t know it and prefer to talk in other languages. When roaches don’t understand their own language, how do you want to understand? That’s why dialogue reaches dead-end and sweet methods of violence become necessary!


Second Method: Cutting food
sources
Before you get your hands on
slippers and start bloodbath, it is not a bad idea to use more fundamental methods like cutting the food sources. You know that roaches usually live in toilet holes and their main food is … yes, right exactly! So to cut their hands off their food for some time you should shut down their food products. Meaning you shouldn’t go toilet. When for two months you do your “job” under the bushes and trees instead, roaches will run out of food and exterminate starving, flowers will grow much better and your little garden will be greener.